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Breaking Deadly Habits: A 21-Day Journey to Transformation – Part 1

Writer's picture: Simi Von ZijlSimi Von Zijl


We have all heard this expression before, right? But in this context, we are going to use it differently. We are starting with the hard stuff so we can gain the good stuff. A habit to break and rebuild takes approximately 21 days (or so we are told—stay tuned). Jesus spent 40 days in the wilderness working through challenges and preparing for His ministry. This is just to remind you to have grace with yourself. This journey will take you through highs and lows, so if Jesus needed 40 days, how much more might we need? Remember, I said stay tuned?


But first... a bit of background information to motivate you, rather than making you feel worse. Psychology researchers from University College London decided to test the theory that habits take 21 days to form. In 2009, they examined 96 people and their habits for twelve weeks. Each participant chose a new behaviour to implement. Every day, they reported whether or not they performed their new behaviour and how automatic it felt. The study concluded that it took about 66 days for a new behaviour to become automatic—far from the 21-day mark we've been led to believe.

This study revealed a couple of key points: First, it generally takes over two months of daily repetition before a behaviour becomes a habit. Second, while skipping single days isn't detrimental in the long term, what matters most are the early repetitions. These give us the greatest boost in making a behaviour an automatic response.

I am not saying this limits us or that we won’t make it! I’m sharing this to emphasise how important this journey is. The fact that you are reading this shows you want this for yourself. This will take hard work and commitment, but it can be done. You are not alone. We are on this journey together, and even if you need more help than this blog offers, you can subscribe for more extensive support and join our forums to connect with others. We will discuss life hacks, mental health and well-being, and even addiction. Nothing is off the table, so never feel ashamed to share or be heard. You may even remain anonymous if you wish.

Let’s begin.


Breaking Deadly Habits

We know that "deadly" sounds dramatic, but this is the term often used when discussing addiction. It could signify the death of your soul, relationships with your family, spouse, or even God—or, ultimately, physical death. Habits may not always escalate to addictions, but bad habits share traits with addictive behaviours and can lead to destructive outcomes. It might be something as simple as struggling to get out of bed or procrastinating by watching Netflix.

Experts say one way to tackle habit-breaking is to practise mindfulness (if you’re unsure what this means, check out our "Adopting Healthy Habits" blog post). Mindfulness is the mental state achieved by focusing awareness on the present moment. By staying aware of your thoughts and behaviours—and identifying what triggers certain actions—you can break the cycle of reaching for that drink, drug, or emotional quick fix. As we get better at recognising the space between stimulus and response, refraining from unhealthy behaviours becomes more natural.


For example, I encourage you to start asking yourself these three questions:

  1. What am I feeling right now?

  2. Why am I feeling this?

  3. Can I do anything about it?


Recognising that you can do something empowers you to avoid sinking into despair or indulging in your "quick fix." Acknowledging when you can’t do anything about a situation brings peace and the ability to let go. You will learn to identify these feelings, recognise your habits, and discover what works for you. Other effective methods include deliberately inhibiting the habit once it’s been triggered (e.g., resisting the urge to overeat) or avoiding the triggers altogether (e.g., not walking past the donut shop). Some people find success by changing their environment—such as moving house or changing jobs—to disrupt harmful patterns.


A Lifelong Journey

No matter what method works for you, remember that recovery is a lifelong journey. Breaking a habit or addiction doesn’t happen in exactly 66 days for everyone. Our brains may have been altered by compulsive behaviours, but that doesn’t mean we are destined to fall into the same destructive cycles. By being mindful of our thoughts, practising self-control, and avoiding triggers, we can step out of harmful routines and into the life God intended for us.


One major addiction that often goes unrecognised is fear. Fear can be the root of many bad behaviours and addictions. We must address this "primary ingredient" to stop the "cake" from baking. Questions like "Will I ever overcome this?" or "Why am I like this?" often stem from fear. Hear this: there is nothing wrong with you, and you will overcome this. Do not let fear keep you from this journey.


Most importantly, throughout this process, remember this:

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans. — Proverbs 16:3 (NIV)


Today’s Exercise:

Make a list of all the things you want to change in your life, quit doing, improve, or approach differently. This is your "bad habit" list. Then make a list of all the things you want to start doing—whether it’s something you’ve always wanted to try, like writing a book, or something practical, like daily exercise. This is your "good habit" list. There’s nothing too small or too big to include, so have at it. Don’t worry—you won’t have to share unless you want to.


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