top of page

Love

Writer's picture: Simi Von ZijlSimi Von Zijl


Consider the word "love" and give it a good, long thought. What comes to mind? Is it a wedding? An old married couple still holding hands after all these years? Or even a single red rose?


The Bible's definition of love differs significantly from today's world and culture's meaning. This change in definition hasn't occurred because it no longer relates to us but because, over time, people have altered their standards, moving towards a more worldly perspective instead of striving to align with Godly values.


So, what precisely distinguishes worldly wisdom from Godly wisdom? The knowledge we think we possess on our own is considered earthly; in other words, worldly and unspiritual. It can, quite frankly, be easily swayed and manipulated by Satan, who seeks to rob us of our identity as God's creation and children.


Conversely, Godly wisdom is rooted in the teachings of the Bible, centred in Jesus's name, and guided by the Holy Spirit—thus divine. It seeks to glorify the Lord, not oneself, by focusing on the eternal insight of Jesus' atoning sacrifice. God has equipped us with the tools necessary to wage this battle properly.


While many people tend to define love as romance or a heart-warming feeling, the Bible's definition takes a fundamentally different approach. It's rooted not in what we feel but in what we do. In simpler terms, God doesn't view love as a mere emotion; instead, it's a conscious choice. And, I must emphasise, it's a choice that we often don't feel but must make regardless.


With time, your choices will lead to growth and maturity. This form of love finds its ultimate fulfilment in becoming increasingly like Jesus. God instructs us that to achieve this transformation, we must dedicate time to immerse ourselves in the Word of God and reflect upon its teachings. We must learn to embrace and embody the profound wisdom that Jesus imparted to His disciples and, by extension, to us.


As we invest in this journey and strengthen our relationship with God, we will also learn to unite with and listen to the Holy Spirit, whose presence and guidance will become increasingly evident and familiar. God told us in Matthew 7:7: "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."


God's most profound gift to us is the power of choice—the freedom to decide. The most meaningful expression of gratitude we can offer is to follow Him, obey His commandments, and love Him with all our hearts.


Love, in its truest form, involves self-sacrifice and prioritising the needs of others above our own desires—a profound reflection of Jesus' example and teachings. God gave us the command to humble ourselves before others and become servants.


Now, I know this sounds totally cringy to some of us. When looking up "humbling," things like humiliation come to mind, right? That's where the magic word comes in: love. When all is done in love, it elevates us and gives meaning to our actions.

As the familiar passage states:


"Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, it is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."— 1 Corinthians 13:4-7


Yet, without God, our capacity to love fully remains limited. To grasp the intricate workings of perfect love, we must open ourselves to receiving God's love. While this may sound straightforward and logical, many individuals require guidance on where to begin. To surrender completely to God's presence and allow Him to guide our lives, we must embrace the "Let go, let God" mindset as our guiding principle.


In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, often consumed by the demands of the world and the struggle to make ends meet, we can lose sight of what it means to truly live. Instead, we find ourselves merely surviving. However, it's essential to recognise that God has the power to assist us in both aspects of life. Whether in survival mode or seeking to thrive, God can help you endure and empower you to flourish.


For those who've mastered the art of survival, God can take you from mere survival to a thriving existence. If you're a dreamer, God has a repertoire of dreams for you that far surpass your wildest imaginings. The same goes for the realists, the optimists, and the analysts! God knows you better than anyone else because He crafted you that way! Furthermore, His desires for your well-being are unparalleled, and He possesses the ultimate knowledge of the most effective path to lead you towards your best self.

Remember that God has been your guardian and protector since the day you were born. If only you could glimpse the multitude of trials He has shielded you from, your trust in Him would remain steadfast. God's timing is perfect! Have patience, and believe me, you're going to love it!


So why am I telling you all of this? Because all of these things are the embodiment of love! And that's just the beginning. God has so many different names; by understanding them, we get to better understand God's character. God does not only give love; He is love.


Only through the Holy Spirit can we shed our sinful and selfish desires. Because God has shown us mercy, we can show mercy to others. First, we must accept the mercy God has already shown us and MOVE ON! We have to thank God and give all glory to Him.


Because He has shown us ultimate love, we can now show love to others:

"We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, 'I love God,' but hates his brother, he is a liar, for whoever does not love a brother he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. This is the commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother." – 1 John 4:19-21


As we've journeyed through this exploration, we've gained valuable insights, and I implore you to reflect upon these teachings, for the chapter on love carries profound significance. The entirety of God's essence, Jesus, and the teachings of the Bible revolves around one pivotal aspect: EVERYTHING sprouts from love.


Love for God, for Jesus, the Word of God, others, and mostly love for YOURSELF! Love is the most important fruit of the Spirit. In John 3:16, "true" love is exemplified:

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son so that whoever believes in him will not perish but have eternal life."


How much more can someone love you?


So, let us recap! In conclusion, you are called upon to embrace and live out love in your life:

  • Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.

  • Love your neighbour as yourself.

  • Love your enemies and pray for them.

  • Love in action: Show kindness, be patient, forgive freely, serve humbly, and be compassionate.

  • Walk in the fruit of the Spirit, where love is the foremost attribute.


Remember, love isn't just a feeling; it's a choice and an action that reflects the very heart of God.


"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." – John 13:34


Over the years, love has frequently been misused and misunderstood. We often use it in vain or compare it with other, more trivial things without fully appreciating its profound significance:"I love my dog, I love my husband, I love sushi."

Receiving God's boundless love and reciprocating it can be challenging when we don't completely understand it. Therefore, it's essential to address the following misconceptions and clear up any misunderstandings:


Misconceptions About Love

  1. Love as a Fleeting FeelingThere is a common misconception that love is solely a fleeting feeling—those fluttering butterflies in your stomach. It's crucial to understand that while love can evoke powerful emotions, these feelings can be fickle and mood-dependent. True love transcends mere sentiment; it is enduring and steadfast.

  2. Love "Simply Happens"Another misconception is the belief that love "just happens" and is entirely beyond your control. Have you ever uttered or heard the phrase, "I fell in love," as if it were an accident? Similarly, people often say, "I can't control who I fall in love with," or, conversely, "I can't help it; I just don't love him/her anymore." These ideas contribute to misunderstanding the nature of love.

    This phenomenon often occurs in marriages. The initial stage is filled with butterflies and excitement, but as time passes, we must transition into a phase where we actively choose to love and uphold our commitment. Jesus' command to love one another underscores our responsibility to determine love—even for our enemies—and to continually choose love within our marriages. The choice is always to love.


The Core of Love: Two Essential Aspects

1. Love Is a Choice"Over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." – Colossians 3:14Comprehend those two small yet immensely significant words, "put on." It's akin to selecting your outfit for the day. Therefore, love is a choice you can consciously make every single day.

2. Love Is Action"Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." – 1 John 3:18God expects us to show love, kindness, and, yes, kind words to everyone, even if they don't reciprocate. God sees this, and it brings Him joy.


However, it's crucial to remember that love should never be a show. In simpler terms, your acts of kindness and love should come from a place of authenticity and sincerity, not to seek attention or admiration from others:

"As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn't do it, it is a sin for them." – James 4:16-17


Let's begin this exercise together to better understand this concept and prepare ourselves for the journey ahead. By diving straight into the hard stuff, I want to show you how easy it is! This exercise will become your go-to tool when you feel lost, demotivated, or overwhelmed. Get ready to conquer the challenges that lie ahead!

Let's start with this phrase: Because God has shown us mercy, we can show mercy to others. 


Pray to God and ask Him for His mercy and saving grace. There may be areas in your life you struggle with, places you keep in your control, relying on yourself, and, ultimately, failing. Give your life back to God. By resisting His will for your life, you convey a lack of trust in Him.


Remember that God is fully aware of your struggles, yet for nurturing a deeper relationship, it's crucial to address this issue – it's something you need, a vital step towards growth and intimacy with Him. Let go and ask for forgiveness for yourself, but also for others. Yes, even for your enemies. Give all of this to God and ask the Holy Spirit to show you how you can also show mercy to those who have wronged you.

Thank Him for giving you mercy, and receive it! Then, praise Him for His ultimate kindness – ALWAYS.


We can embark on this journey together. I'll provide a framework if you still need to figure out what to say or how to initiate this prayer. You can utilise this prayer as is, make adjustments, or eventually craft your own.


Let's begin.


"Dear Father in heaven,

I come before you now as one who desires a new beginning. You are my Creator and my Redeemer. I know that whenever others hurt me, You were there beside me – also experiencing the pain. When I was in tears, You were in tears, too.

Please forgive me for all my doubts and disbelief that You can't take me out of this pit of depression, despair, self-doubt, and [fill in your struggles]. I recognise that these doubts have taken You off the throne of my life, and now I make a conscious choice to make You Lord of my heart and my life.


Lord, I ask You to break the power of any hold earthly things have in my life that are not from You. Forgive me for [name the things you feel guilty, sad, bitter, or angry about] and help me let it go.


Now, I also choose to forgive those who have mistreated and wronged me in the past. Father, forgive them, for they did not know what they were doing. Father, You have forgiven my sins and remember them no more, so I too will say I forgive them and their sin I will remember no more. Those who hurt me were also in pain. They had been hurt just as I have been. They were victims, the same as I. But I choose now to stop this sin from causing further damage. I choose to embrace the pain they inflicted upon me just as You embraced the pain I have caused You by my sin.


By forgiving those who wronged me, I release them from any debt I feel they owe me. I leave them in Your hands so that You can heal and restore them just as You are healing and restoring me. Please forgive me for holding on to the bitterness and resentment in my heart, poisoning my thoughts and emotions. I now reject and repent of whatever darkness I have invited into my life because of unforgiveness. I claim the freedom now mine through the cleansing provided by my Saviour, in Jesus' name, Amen."


Feel free to pray this prayer as frequently as you wish. Learn it, love it, read it, pray it, and BELIEVE IT. Repeat it as many times as necessary to firmly establish it in your heart. Remember, there is no quick fix. It's a journey, and often a lengthy one. However, the fact that you are reading this means you've already made some of the most challenging choices. You're here, and you're not alone. Many have trodden this path before you; countless others will follow long after you've passed these pages. How does that saying go again?... Keep the faith.


Now, let's look at: Because He has shown us love, we can show love to others. Read 1 John 4:19-21 and reflect on the significance of this Scripture. It's a crucial part of our history that we must embrace, even though we may not always fully grasp its depth and meaning. Then, in prayer, ask God to reveal where you might have overlooked His gift of love and how you can extend this blessing to others. It may involve forgiving someone, expressing gratitude, or simply smiling at a stranger.


Remember, forgiving someone doesn't mean condoning their actions or saying it was right. It means entrusting them to God's judgment so He can release you from the burden of bitter memories, anger, resentment, or even fear.


Let's pray.


"Today, at this moment, I choose and welcome love.I welcome and embrace Your grace.I welcome and embrace Your patience.I welcome and embrace Your love.I welcome and embrace Your peace.I welcome and embrace Your joy.I welcome and embrace Your light.I welcome You to live within me. Fill me completely with Yourself. I give myself entirely to You as a living sacrifice. From this day forward, I choose to walk in Your path according to Your holy word.I sincerely ask You to bless those who have wronged me and to fully restore them to fellowship with You so that in a day to come, we may rejoice before You together as friends who have been washed clean by Your love.Until that day, I thank You for the happiness that is my inheritance as Your beloved child. I know that You will never leave me and that You will never forsake me. Stretch my heart so that I may come to know just how much You love me, so that I may love You in return as You deserve, and love those around me.Father, I thank You, Amen."


Now, as promised, this book is all about personal growth and finding love in everything you do. Putting these nine fruits of the Spirit into practice daily will give you a deeper understanding of becoming a "modern-day disciple."


The five dimensions of human life are physical, social, spiritual, intellectual, and emotional. As previously mentioned, when these dimensions are out of balance, we often experience stress, emotional overwhelm, instability, and, in severe cases, depression.


The Five Dimensions of Human Life


Physical


  1. Showing physical love to others - When the opportunity arises for you to assist someone in their time of need, seize it wholeheartedly. Your motivation should never be solely self-serving. Just as Jesus selflessly intervened at a wedding, ensuring that no one was embarrassed before their guests, strive to shield others from humiliation and ridicule whenever possible (John 2:1-11).


Furthermore, if circumstances prevent you from directly lending a hand, take the initiative to seek help on their behalf. A paralysed man's friends, unable to access Jesus conventionally, went to great lengths, even lowering the man through a roof, showcasing their unwavering determination to capture His attention. They dropped him through a roof! They were willing to try anything to get Jesus's attention (Mark 2:1-12).


  1. Intercede through Prayer – The Bible emphasises offering prayers for others. Jesus instructed His disciples to pray for their loved ones, one another, and even their adversaries. An example is when the church fervently prayed for Peter while imprisoned (Acts 12:5). Paul demonstrated a remarkable commitment to prayer, extending his intercessions to encompass all (Ephesians 1:15-23).


  2. Rebuke them when needed – I am almost too reluctant to tell you this because, though you should always do this with love, it may not always be received in love. This is a challenge to discuss, as it requires a delicate touch. While giving such guidance with the utmost care and affection is vital, it may not always be embraced in the same spirit. Yet, acting out of love involves seeking the very best for someone, and on occasion, that necessitates the practice of compassionate, yet firm, correction – a bit of what you might call "tough love" (Proverbs 27:6). Taught by the wise words of Jesus in Matthew 18:15-17.

  3. Freely forgive offences – We've been through this; you all know this one. Jesus said there is no limit to forgiving; remember "seventy times seven" (Matthew 18:21-22)? It's like forgiveness with no expiry date. Some offences are far too serious to be trivialised or taken lightly; they are constantly repeated in your mind like an unending tape, a constant haunting presence. You might think, "I can't forgive that anytime soon!" You are also right because, on your own, it's futile. But here's the thing – God makes it possible (Proverbs 17:9). It is already done. Remember what I said about it not meaning you are absolving them from responsibility. It just means that God is now interceding for you and handling it on your behalf.

  4. Humbly serve them – Jesus himself paved the way. I'll admit, striving to be as compassionate as Jesus can sometimes seem like reaching for the stars. However, that's the ultimate aspiration, as beautifully illustrated in John 13:1-17. As followers of God, He has directed us to extend our hands in service to others, a divine commandment laid out in Galatians 5:13. Jesus also does not lie. In this vein, recall His statement where He declared that not only would we do as He did, but we would also surpass His deeds.

  5. Rejoice or mourn with them – Cultivate empathy by fully embracing their moments of elation and hardship as if they were your own. However, it's crucial to maintain a certain balance; you should be their steady support, not sinking alongside them. Yet, comprehending their emotions will undoubtedly make your presence and support more authentic and meaningful, echoing the wisdom in 1 Corinthians 12:25-26.

  6. Extend Kindness to Those Around Them – The Bible offers numerous instances of this noble virtue. Consider embarking on a journey of discovery, exploring the art of demonstrating love to individuals you've yet to meet (2 Samuel 9:1-13).

  7. Intercede with others on their behalf – We find a unique purpose in the diverse tapestry of talents and abilities God gives us. God's design ensures that no two souls are identical. If you possess the gift of effective communication and the ability to convey understanding swiftly, consider this a divine assignment to use for benevolence, much like the case of Barnabas in Acts 9:27-30. Similarly, within our circles of family and friends, we have a gift to mediate and reconcile, helping two loved ones or family members resolve their differences (Philippians 4:2-3).

  8. Introduce them to Jesus – I doubt I need to emphasise just how crucial this is. A remarkable example can be found in Peter, who became a devoted disciple thanks to the introduction made by his brother, Andrew. This single act transformed him into one of the most significant figures in our history, as vividly portrayed in John 1:35-42.

  9. Lastly, offer encouragement and guidance in nurturing their relationship with God (Hebrews 10:24-25).

Showing Physical Love in Marriage

Let's begin with all the principles we've discussed above! However, I'd like to introduce a distinctive aspect of marital relationships. In a nutshell, God encourages us to be fruitful and multiply. Yet, it's essential to understand that the purpose of sex isn't solely for procreation; it's also meant to be a source of joy and intimacy, a divine gift to be enjoyed exclusively within the sacred bonds of marriage. "Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." – Genesis 2:24


This brings me to the topic of love languages. A whole book could be dedicated to this fascinating subject; indeed, one has been written. However, since we're discussing physical love in this passage, let's delve into the love language known as "physical touch." It's one of the five love languages beautifully explored in Gary Chapman's book, Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Let's focus on physical touch while exploring the others in the book.


This love language revolves around expressing and receiving love through tactile connections, drawing near your spouse, and engaging in various forms of physical affection. Think kissing, hugging, hand-holding, or simply brushing your hand or shoulder against your spouse as you pass by. It thrives on those subtle gestures, such as embracing your partner while watching a movie or showing affection in public without hesitation. Remarkably, these seemingly modest acts hold greater significance than exchanging gifts or verbal declarations of love, which fall under different categories of love languages. Delving into physical touch can be profoundly advantageous for your marriage.


Social


So, for this one, there are many social aspects; for each person, it may be different. You may be a social butterfly or a complete loner, but you still have your inner circle. Then, of course, there is the social media crowd. Regarding the social topic, I suggest asking the following question: Is what I'm saying concerned more with others' enlightenment or my reputation? Why? Let's start from the beginning.


Social media has become very hapless but relatively straightforward. It's become evident that within this digital realm, some Christians employ it with little consideration for how their online presence reflects on themselves and, more significantly, on their Saviour. More often than not, people are unconcerned with the actual truth but more about reaction and how interesting the story can be, no matter the cost or consequences. Casually and aimlessly sharing prominent false news stories.


The same can be said about the opposite. Some believe that as long as they speak the truth, there is no harm, no foul—even and especially when talking to or about other Christians. But there's light at the end of the tunnel; Paul said that believers keep the body of Christ alive by not just speaking the truth, but - and this is the catcher - by doing so in love (Ephesians 4:15).


So how does this come into the fruit of the Spirit: Love? We have to test our delivery on social media against the fruit of the Spirit. Whether it is truly biblical in both what we say and how we say it. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control. Against such things, there is no law" (Galatians 5:22-23). That brings us back to the question: Is what I'm saying concerned more with others' enlightenment or my reputation, and why? Each Christian trait we profess, evident in our actions, should prompt us to consider what we share on social media and how we do so.


Spiritual


Spiritual needs are the things we ponder on most. They are the elements we believe grant our existence meaning and purpose. Conversely, when these aspects are disregarded, they can leave us feeling devoid of purpose. Those things can include forgiveness, reassurance, and acceptance.


In an ideal world, the love of our Father should suffice, yet being human, we also have an innate yearning for love from others and ourselves. This profound need often manifests as a longing for human connection, meaningful earthly love, and the sacred bond of marriage. God recognised our need for companionship and explicitly stated that we shouldn't go through life alone, thus bestowing us with this innate need. However, He desires to be actively involved in guiding you toward finding that love. He intends not to restrict or curtail your enjoyment but to safeguard you along this beautiful journey.


Another spiritual need resides in the belief that lends meaning to life's losses, tragedies, and setbacks. It's common for people to wrestle with anger towards God, often assigning blame when things go awry. However, it's crucial to remember that God does not grant permission for unfortunate events to occur. Instead, He bestowed upon each of us the extraordinary gift of choice.


Unfortunately, in a world where everyone possesses this equal gift of choice, sometimes the decisions made by others can inflict pain and suffering upon innocent individuals. It's essential to recognise that it's not God who directly inflicts harm upon us. In navigating these complexities, we find solace in prayer, seeking the protection and guidance of God's angels.


Through prayer, we ask for the discernment to distinguish between truth and deception, for in doing so, we can navigate the challenging consequences of our choices and the choices of others with divine wisdom and grace. Remember, every choice we make has consequences. Good or bad, but yes, consequences. So, with the great gift of choice, we have a great responsibility.


Attaining spiritual fulfilment hinges on nurturing our values, establishing priorities, and committing to a purposeful life that steers us towards personal growth and responsible living. It's an individual journey, a quest to unearth our true selves. However, this pursuit requires introspection and an honest self-assessment. But to do that without the influence of society and what others want us to be, we need to first check in with God.


As the Creator of each of us, He holds the ultimate blueprint for who and what we are and, more importantly, how we work best. Therefore, seeking His guidance and insights is pivotal to charting our life's course. He has the essential game plan, a divine roadmap to help us discover our true selves. Even if and when we take the wrong path, He will always have a way for us to reach His destination if we but ask.


Ask God to help us grow in wisdom, creativity, and love for our unique selves. Another thing people need is spiritual resources to help them understand and ultimately heal from grief, guilt, resentment, unforgiveness, self-rejection, and shame. The same goes for deepening our experiences of trust, self-esteem, hope, joy, and love of life. These spiritual "resources" can only be fulfilled from THE source itself, God.


And just to clear the air, remember, no matter what anyone has told you or what you're grappling with, one thing's certain – we did not evolve from apes! God created us. Have you ever made or dreamt about anything? You took time, thought about it, and planned everything perfectly. You knew how it worked, how it should look, what you wanted to use it for, and why you created it. The same goes for you. God KNEW you before you were even an inkling of a thought your parents had.


So, to feel content and fulfilled in life and answer the most crucial question, what is your purpose? You need to go to God. Nothing and no one else can answer this for you. Not even you. This includes all the fundamental questions that form our existence: Purpose and value in life, love, sense of belonging, hope, peace, and gratitude.


We will only ever feel satisfied with ourselves and our lives if we spend tremendous amounts of time in the presence of God and in His word. Another great spiritual resource is the Bible. Even when things go awry, we will be content if we believe it is God's will for our lives to grow and be prepared for more incredible things. Jesus did tell us in the Sermon on the Mount that blessed are those who get persecuted for their righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.


People also need more mundane things to feel connected to this world: Spending time with friends and family in the sunlight! Spend time on our hobbies, developing our God-given talents, and spending time with fellow believers.


On a more serious note, I also want to brush up on those curveballs life sometimes throws us. One is Palliative care: specialised medical care for people with a severe illness, such as cancer, heart failure, or stroke. When someone goes through that, their needs may change or get altered by their immediate disability: a sudden need to ask for or give forgiveness, mending a relationship, and most commonly, unfinished business. Some might be angry, bitter, or seek attention. They think about death, loss, and grief in new or different ways, reflecting on the meaning of life and whether they did enough. Sometimes, even those around them get affected in the same way. Loved ones may need support to make sense of what's happening.


Spiritual well-being is feeling at peace. Spiritual distress is a feeling of suffering. This happens when we neglect our Godly needs and, as a result, have questions and an inability to find meaning and purpose. We were meant to have a relationship with God; without that, we wander around without a clue. If our instinct to have a relationship with God is not met, this causes suffering. "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble" (Matthew 6:34). We have to give our worries to God because He walks through things with us (1 Peter 5:7). Not accepting God's hand in our lives affects our physical and mental health.

Signs of spiritual distress and suffering can include asking questions such as: "Why is this happening?", "Why me?", "Who am I?", becoming more withdrawn and isolated, unable to be alone, refusing to admit you're searching for life's meaning or care, always scared or worried, and in worse cases, depressed. Other reasons for spiritual distress in people with a terminal illness are the loss of their role in the family, loss of independence, fear of dying, and loss of control over themselves and their lives.


I never want to make life seem easy, or like a fight we have already lost. But in both cases, life is much easier with God on our side, AND it is already fulfilled. "The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? The Lord is on my side as my helper; I shall look in triumph on those who hate me. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man." (Psalm 118:6-8).

1 view0 comments

Comments


bottom of page